As men, we have a lineage of suppressing our inner emotional life— so we suffer alone and then teach our sons to do the same. We remain disconnected from our heart, from the earth, and from our spiritual life.
The world needs more conscious, awakened men who can be instruments of love in the world. We need men that are willing to see the humanity in everyone and that seek to dismantle the structures of racism, sexism, and bigotry of any kind, first in themselves and in their communities.
Remember that iconic scene in Braveheart where William Wallace, willfully striding back and forth in front of his warrior brothers with his formidable blue painted face, giving them a transmission on the truth of FREEDOM!
For most of us, the character in that scene embodies the idea of confidence. In that moment, we feel the fullness of his authentic, confident expression and his depth and conviction for his truth. For me, that scene is a decisive moment that arouses my own internal desire for courage.
Mastering authentic confidence is a spiritual art. The mastery of this art is a lifelong journey of deep practice and refinement. This path into your internal life requires warrior courage; it is as rewarding as it is challenging.
Learning To Trust Ourselves
This journey into Authentic Confidence is just that, a journey. There is no endpoint; it is a path of practice, which includes lots of challenges and mistakes.
To live a high integrity and vital life as a man in this world requires an unwavering willingness to address the internal obstacles that keep us from trusting in who we are.
Having a deep sense of trust in ourselves supports our ability to be decisive in our actions and to live without an armored heart. Our self-trust can serve as a foundation of resilience even when old habits of anger, shame, avoidance, or self-doubt occur.
Confidence: A Highly Misunderstood Concept
The confidence we gain from past achievements, status, or approval (flattery) is not a deep or lasting form of authentic inner confidence. If your confidence is contingent on external factors, it can vanish at any moment as though it was never there at all, often converting into self-victimization and self-pity. This is called externalized confidence, and it is fragile and unreliable.
Authentic confidence comes from within, it needs nothing in order to thrive, and it arises out of an unwavering desire for growth and compassion for oneself.
Locating Your Inner Authentic Confidence
The work of discovering and cultivating your sense of authentic confidence is a process of changing your relationship with yourself. It is through deep self-inquiry and healing that you increase your self-worth and self-love. Your ability to be authentically confident is ultimately a reflection of a solid relationship with yourself.
What we are calling true authentic confidence refers to our state of being, not our state of doing. It is something that is cultivated over time through our spiritual refinement and the healing of wounds inside.
True authentic confidence arises when we have the courage to address our blind spots and unhealthy habitual tendencies.
Men who have done this work often tell us that it is the most important thing they’ve ever done. But it is not for the faint of heart; it demands that we courageously face our shadow sides and enter into the uncharted territory of our internal life.