If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, you have most likely experienced some flatness set in from time to time.

That flatness can show up as a loss of passion and less intimacy (both sexual and emotional). This is normal to some degree in most relationships, but this can become a problem if it becomes “too normal.”

If we get too lazy in our relationship, become less open and vulnerable, begin to harbor resentments, and stop communicating the deeper parts of ourselves, we can lose the connected intimacy required for a relationship to thrive.

If our relationship falls into a strictly business and/or parenting partnership, men can and do find other ways to fulfill their need for connection and sexual intimacy. Men very often turn to porn or even engage in infidelity.

The longer you tolerate flatness in your relationship, the more difficult it can be to rekindle the intimacy fire. It is not uncommon to see this flatness as a reason to further check out or even end the relationship.

If you find yourself in this situation, look at it as an opportunity to bring new life, to grow your relationship rather than as proof of why it’s “so bad.”

Today’s men’s reminder

 Flatness sets in when we are no longer willing to make those small romantic gestures that sparked the fire in the beginning.

Maybe you think, “I love my partner, and they love me, and we think that should be enough.” Maybe you say “I love you” to your partner and assume they will feel loved by your words. Loving, kind words are great, but not enough.

“Love is the action of the hands and feet.” 

 Actions really do speak louder than words. It is in the physical actions rather than just verbal ones that our partner gets those oxytocin hits. The bonding chemical can lead to stoking the fires of romantic intimacy.

 Taking action- when men take action without asking permission, it can be SEXY, as long as it’s done skillfully and respectfully. If you’re going out for dinner, pick a restaurant and invite her by saying I’m taking you out to a beautiful place I think you will love, sound good? 

Choose heart over head.

Choose spontaneity over routine.

Choose danger over comfort. 

Choose moving your body over inactivity. 

Choose feeding each other over just feeding yourself.

 Remember the fires that created your intimate relationship. Right now, I challenge you to commit to using your hands and feet as the actions of love. 

If you’re ready for some radical change in how you show up in your relationship, consider the power of 1-1 men’s deep inner work coaching. Email us at support@menswisdomwork.com for coaching inquiries.