Before starting on my growth work path, I didn’t trust men. Most, if not all of my friends, were women. I always thought that the only place I could be open and vulnerable was with women. Women are nurturers, and men are unsafe and not to be trusted.
The belief that men are unsafe was simply a mirror of my early attachment stuff. My father had anger, and my mom protected me from him.
Although “bromance” is something some men experience, we generally feel unsafe in being emotionally authentic with other men across the board.
Having an angry father is not the only reason men don’t trust other men.
Our biological programs that drive habits of hierarchy dominance (trying to one-up other men), comparing ourselves to other men (constantly judging ourselves as not good enough), and the emotional discomfort in intimately connecting with another man is a common pain point seen in men’s work.
It wasn’t until I entered into the heart of men’s work that I awoke to the massive potential for healing that exists in the sacred space of brotherhood.
Armor
Men are especially good at armoring their hearts. A long lineage of protection mechanisms keeps us disconnected from our bodies, in fear of introspection and intimacy, and in avoidance of emotions.
Armoring keeps us living with a false sense of self, which is the opposite of what most of us want: to show up in our authenticity.
It’s crazy that the same armoring that keeps us from feeling the uncomfortable stuff like fear, shame, and anger is the same armoring that keeps us feeling the good stuff: connection, sweetness, and a deeper meaning to our lives.
The de-armoring of our hearts can’t be done alone.
The first significant breakthroughs men experience is through seeing other men model vulnerability. When other men are deeply open and transparent in your presence, they lend you the courage to unburden and access the places inside that hurt. But… It takes skillful guidance in a men’s container to open your heart safely.
In my coaching practice, I consistently experience men taking their armor down when they feel both a depth of empathetic caring and a fierce sense of service that comes through challenging them.
Having a skillful brother guide you through de-armoring your heart can change everything. It can help you become more fearless in intimate relationships. It can give you the courage to play a bigger game in life, and help you become an expression of love. This is ultimately the greatest freedom any of us can have.
What I learned through skillful loving guidance from other men has been the foundation for living a more loving life. And ultimately, lead to not only feeling safe with and trusting men, but it has also become an important place to sharpen myself on my own inner growth journey.
I sincerely feel this is the way to heal the world; this is why I do this work.
I am calling on all men that want to guide, support, facilitate, coach, and help evolve other men to SHOW UP NOW!
The world needs more men steeped in practices of the mature masculine to show the way to other men suffering.
Without having had conscious, wise men in my life, my heart would have never known love.
